When we were at my wife’s college mini-reunion in Sedona, my brother-in-law gathered up brochures from the visitors’ center. 

The first is from “Down to Earth Psychic Readings.”  These are “famous for being authentic, accurate, and fun” (I can’t abide inauthentic psychic readings). 

The Center for the New Age offers Aura Photo, 15 (count’m, 15) Certified Psychic Readers (no uncertified psychics here), personal vortex tours, past life regression and FREE aura Cleaning (nothing worse than a dusty aura). 

Sedona Healing and Hypnotherapy has Intuitive Reading, Chakra Healing, Sacred Contracts, Spiritual Hypnosis, and Spirit Releasement. 

Angel Lightfeather is Sedona’s Top Mystic. One satisfied customer testifies: “Angel, not only did you change my wife’s life to one of happiness, but when you healed our dog on the vortex, we watched a miracle before our very eyes!” 

Bariatric (?) Patient Coaching is also available. 

Zoe is an Energy Healer. As is well known, “illness is ultimately caused by a disruption in the Human Energy Field” and our “full chakra and hara system” need a lube job every now and then. 

Not all practitioners are female (although I notice most are). Gregory, a Clairvoyant, a Conscious  Channel, a Shamanic Healer, offers Vortex Experiences to Secret Spots (he knows that sometimes a guy just needs a good vortex). He also has these tools at hand: Inner-Child Exploration, Polarity and Velocity Energy Work, Quantum Physics (very scientific), 2500 year old Manifestation Techniques (very historic), Dowsing (useful in the desert) and best of all, Extraction of Entities based on the work of Dr. Bryon Gentry.  

And on and on: Psychic Tarot, Chakra Balancing, Karuna, pendulums, Organ Harmonization, Pet Whispering, Holistic Pedicures (and manicures) etc. etc. etc. 

Then my brother-in-law found a true source of healing: 

Oak Creek Micro Brewery with Hefewien, Lager, Nut Brown Ale, Winter Knicker Kicker, Nektar Oktoberfest, Earth Angel Belgian, and so on through the sweet names that prove that malt does more than Milton can (and definitely more than psychic chakra balancing pet whispering pedicures can) to justify the ways of God to man.

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